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PPNS- By S J. Murphy
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Hillary Clinton Proposes Changes
to the US Military:
Poster of Valentine Peace,
gender-neutral mascot of
the new Ambassador Corps
Our planet has seen in the last half
United States' bullying and
interference",the world democratic
Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton.

We are responsible for the hate in
the world. It is our responsibility to the
seeds of love.

Clinton explained that she intends to
"completely transform every branch
of the United States military in order
to achieve that goal.

Clinton showed a poster to onlookers.
Explaining that the "Spokes character" Valentine Peace will replace the
menacing image of today's military.

Valentine Peace is not a member of any gender and does not
contribute to America's evil gun control.

"Our former enemies will love us."
PPNS- By S J. Murphy
FCC, UN  to Regulate "Code Words"
International Financier George Soros was among the world leaders among the
world leaders, United Nations officials and Democrat members of the Federal
Communications Commission attending a recent conference in Havana, Cuba,

Said spokeswoman, Nancy Pelosi, "Too many people get away with murder,
using code words,"

"My dear friend, Bill Clinton is right. When Trump says  'Make America great
again', those are code words for 'Make America racially segregated again'."

Pelosi went on to explain that this is the evolution of law enforcement".

'We know what people mean. Censoring and fines will now be leveled against
people for what they really mean rather the code words these conservatives
hide behind."

When asked. Pelosi stated that enforcement would be facilitated in the United
States by the FCC with UN guidance,  in the form of the FCC Code Word
Authority (FCCCWA).

She also stated that the FCCCWA would not publish a list of code words but
would evaluate offenders on a"case by case" basis.
Representative Elizabeth Warren. Massachusetts, has been appointed by President
Obama as the National Director of Sports Reform.

The appointment was announced by Obama at a surprise Rose Garden press
conference.

"This position is created by Executive Order. Senate approval is neither sought nor
needed.'

Obama stated that Warren would have "carte blanche"  in reforming sports to make
them reflect "who we are."

Warren briefly addressed the media.

"Things are going to change. The stranglehold of bullying and aggressive men is
over"

" The antiquated concept of genders being separated is over. From now on males
and females play on the same team or nobody plays. I mean that from kindergarten
to the NFL."

Warren stated that she will be looking at every aspect of sports and eliminating all
team names  that are sexist, racist or offensive in any to any sector of the population.
We will be eliminating team mascots that are offensive in any way and  especially
looking at micro expressions. Warren further asserted that any kind of physical
contact will be deemed as violence and against federal law.

"A major focus will be the damage done to our society by the evil of competition. We
will consider alternatives to scoring and the outmoded winner-loser paradigm and
eliminating things that are damaging such as celebrating, cheer leading and
cheering, itself."

There was discord when several female reporters began peppering Warren with
accusations that mixed gender teams would only have female teams being
over-ridden with males.

"No!", shouted Warren. "We will not allow that. I will devise a formula that reflects our
population in percentages of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, females and
males. Every school or professional team will reflect my formula or not be permitted
to exist."
Elizabeth Warren Named
National Director of
Sports Reform
Elizabeth Warren
Check out our Exclusive
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PPNS- By S J. Murphy
Welcome to the LA
Bathroom Complex
Touting it as "the gold standard of public restrooms, the City of Los
Angeles opened the Los Angeles Bathroom Complex known as the
LABC.

The City.Planning Division isued a statement Tuesday announcing the
opening of the complex at the site of the Rosethorne abandoned
shopping mall.in central LA. According to the statement the basic
structure of the mall had been maintained and transformed into 147
public restroom's.

On a tour of the complex I met Rickie Face, facility manager. Rickie
stated that they had assigned a public restroom for every gender
permutation  they could imagine. Gesturing to the large explanatory
plaque by the door to one bathroom, Rickie explained that it was
intended for "persons who were born with male genitalia but feel like a
woman but dress like a man."  

She or he then pointed to the next door.

"This one is for a person who was born with female genitalia, feels like
a man, but still dresses like  woman and lives as a lesbian. These are
just a few examples. We have identified 147 individual gender
classification."

I asked Rickie if there were other attractions in the building or if people
only came to go to the bathroom. Rickie was obviously perturbed at my
inquiry.

"We don't need anything else. This is important. And people don't just
come here to go- they come for love and acceptance."

I then asked why they didn't simply build 147 single occupancy
bathrooms so that people could just go in privacy without  the gender
issues.

Rickie appeared shaken by the prospect. Tear drops clung to the tips
of his/her long false eyelashes.

"Hater. Hater", Rickie whispered.

With a nearly imperceptible crook of a long. Perfectly manicured finger,
Rickie summoned several members of the large LABC security force
and I was escorted out of the complex.

Inever even got to go yo the bathroom.
PPNS- By S J. Murphy
Hillary Blames GOP for Hurricane-
Death of Dinosaur
s
An angry Hillary Clinton addressed a rally in
central Ohio.

" This horrible Hurricane wouldn't even exist if it
weren't for humans- building their factories and
driving their cars. But even more I blame the
Republican Party for always standing in our way
when we try to correct this."

"Humanity has been the greatest enemy to the
world sice the earth created itself."

Clinton stated that "things were perfect in the
prehistoric rimes  before cavemen"
PPNS- By S J. Murphy
Shouted Clinton, " It is hate-filled climate change deniers like Donald Trump that are
responsible for the dead in Hati,"

"It is the Republicans who have caused climate disasters through history!"

" If it weren't for Trump and the Republicans our lovely raptors would still be roaming
our streets."
Hillary Clinton Rails
While traveling the streets of New York on his way to Trump Tower, Donald trump
spotted flames in upper story windows of a building as they passed, Trump ordered the
limousine stopped. Upon opening the door, Trump shouted to security and staff that he
hears children screaming and raced into the building. Moments later he emerged
carrying two small children. Following behind him were two security personnel assisting
two adults.

Authorities report that all occupants were rescued, treated for smoke inhalation and
released,

The New York Times headline read, "Trump Suspected of Deception in Rescue." with
an article suggesting that Trump had donned a disguise, used another vehicle, set the
fire himself and then driven back to his limousine. All this, according to the paper, to
garner good publicity. When told that the fire was not arson and ruled to be started by
faulty wiring, NY Times officials stated that they were standing by their story, suggesting
instead that Trump had broken in earlier to vandalize the wiring.

Megan Kelly posited that Trump had probably gone into the building in hopes of having
the opportunity to take advantage of a female victim while he rescued her.

Anderson Cooper stated that Trump blocking traffic with his limousine demonstrated his
total lack of concern for New York City commuters.
Trump Rescues Children from
Burning Building- Media Condemns
DISCLAIMER FOR THE VERY SENSITIVE: THIS PAGE CONTAINS SATIRACAL HUMOR
PRE-ELECTION ARCHIVES
Sources close to Hillary Clinton have revealed that thee Former US Presidential candidate has set her sights on another post.

According to sources, Clinton revealed her plan at a luncheon with a handful of close advisors in the private dining room of an
exclusive New York restaurant. During the gathering Clinton allegedly told associates that she had been thing about Donald
Trumps claims that she received millions of votes from non-citizens.

The former Secretary of State is said to have stated that she was originally angry about the claim.

Said one unnamed Clinton advisor, "If Trump is right about this and if most of these votes happened in California, then Hillary
received millions of votes from people who are actually still Mexican citizens,

Based on this, Clinton believes that she has a right to the presidency of Mexico since so many Mexican citizens have
expressed their desire for her to serve as their president.

She is reportedly have the issue studied by an international legal team.

Restaurant staffers report that they heard Clinton say as she left, "I'm going to be president of something, dammit!"